Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
