Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
