Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize