I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
