You're my little dorito
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
