Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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