Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry about my life...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
