Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
