Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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