so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
