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I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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