I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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