drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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