I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
