Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
tell me about the fingering
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
