We're facebook friends in real life
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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