I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
