I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
