yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
My life is pants optional.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
