I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
