omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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