i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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