time to smoke my breakfast
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
