I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
