Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
