While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize