my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
