The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
