i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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