Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize