Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
