I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
