I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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