Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
