Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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