this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
