You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
