I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
