The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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