I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
