Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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