it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
