he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Randomize
