where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
