I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
