The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
