i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
