I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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