You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
