the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
