i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
