Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
