the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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