You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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