Pants 0. Shit 1.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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