I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize