Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My ass is underappreciated
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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