Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Even my vagina gasped.
We just shotgunned beers for America
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
