All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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