it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
