She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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