we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
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