you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
